Home Away From Home

I'm in India, in case you missed that.
It's Sunday night going into Monday morning, and I've been here for about a week now. So far the jet lag has been receding, I've done a bit of shopping, I've picked up a little more Hindi, gained 15 pounds (not really, but the way my grandparents are going it's bound to happen... they're convinced I'm "sickly" and that I'm "too skinny"--if only that were the standard the whole world used), made two friends, written a lot, e-mailed a lot, thought a lot.

So much has happened that I'm still trying to sort through. I've seen a cataract operation, got a tetanus shot, become an intern in a hospital without doing much, been to a seminar on adolescent mental health. I've been to Kamla Nagar (funny, because my mom's name is Kamala Nayar--freaks me out every time), bought material to get salwar khameezes tailored.

I feel like all of this is superficial, that I can't really explain everything. It's odd because I think I've always hidden behind words, behind my ability to write and describe things. Some things, I realize now, simply can't be explained with words. Most often these things are a mishmash of emotions that aren't easily identifiable causing a lack of focus on my part and an inability to tell a story without trying to explain the emotions behind the actions.
I know that doesn't make much sense, but events that happened this past weekend have got me thinking about where I stand on a lot of things: drinking, relationships, the people I surround myself with, my parents' opinion of me, the respect and trust of my family. Don't worry, I didn't do anything stupid, but it was enough to make me re-evaluate the way I'm perceived by others and decide the things that I don't like and change them.

shit, that made no sense. sorry-- i think i'm apologizing to myself. i can't write about it, it's all i've been trying to write about and i can only think of the gory details i haven't had enough time to write about it objectively. more to follow soon.

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I don't think I've been more angry at myself-- I charged my camera batteries fully before coming but somehow the batteries are dead, and the charger is at home. The soonest I'll get it will be in the end of July, when my parents come. I would order another one but I don't know if I'm willing to spend the money, especially on shipping all the way to India. I'm angry because I planned on capturing my trip here with thousands of pictures... everywhere I go now I see the opportunity for a good snap but never have a camera on me. Oh well, I think it might just make me a better photographer... to see the picture before taking it.

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It's late, I've got to be up by 5:10 in the morning. My grandfather, 79, who probably weighs less than 100 lbs, goes for his morning walk by 5:30. Not to be confused with his evening walk, also for an hour in the same park, that he leaves for by 6 pm.
This man and I have so much in common... it starts with our birthday, and so far, I haven't found an end.

I'm glad that I've re-found a friend I knew I always had.
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I'm really scatterbrained, I don't know what's the matter with me, I thought this would be a good blog post but it sucks. Basically just saying, Hi I'm in India, I'm alive, and I'm confused.

Until later.

Things I Want to Accomplish Before My Death

1.) Go to a concert of one of my favorite artists/bands. I'm so pissed that I missed Ben Folds last year, and that I can't go to Ben Folds/John Mayer this year. Shit.

2.) Climb a mountain. I'm not an athletic person, but I think it would be exhilarating.

3.) Have children. Little beings, for me to corrupt? I'm in.

4.) Re-learn Hindi and how to write it; also learn Indian history, Indian mythology/roots, and Sanskrit. I think I'll be very close to accomplishing that by the end of this summer.

5.) Visit the villages in every hospitable continent on the world. Touristy spots are great, but I want to get to the heart of things.

6.) Learn two new languages, fluently. I'm pretty good with Spanish. Next up: Mandarin.

7.) Change somebody's life. Otherwise, what am I here for?

8.) Write a book. Something I've wanted to do since I was little.

9.) Go back and visit my childhood home in South Africa. (Self-explanatory, really.)

10.) Be truly comfortable with myself: body, mind, and soul.


Just a few thoughts.

Summer Lovin'

I just want to ring his doorbell, greet him on the front step, reach up, kiss him wildly on his porch, and then walk away and begin the rest of my life.